The method of Alcoholics Anonymous addresses the cracks in the foundation of human life. I’m on a kind of mission to get the wisdom of AA out to the general public. I find the men and women for whom AA works develop a way of thinking about and reflecting on their lives that could be used in any group setting. I wrote these reflections in March, 2013 following a 60 minute conversation with men in recovery at Milwaukee’s Serenity Inn.
Part One: Facing our ‘Dis-ease’--Understanding the Conversation
Some of us sometimes can feel isolated or alienated or even victimized. We feel we have no one to talk to much less to trust with intimate feelings We are surrounded by escapes from our reality. We manipulate others. We buy things. We eat. We turn on the TV. We glue ourselves to the phone or internet. We try religion or sports or sex. We may literally flee to a private space, a coffee shop, the lakefront. We have our friends and family, some of whom are mutual enablers (I won’t ask you any hard questions, if you don’t ask me any).
That’s a pretty bleak picture, but is a necessary forerunner to announcing how we regularly and often successfully deal with such things. Life really doesn’t ‘suck’ but sometimes our responses do.
We want more of our lives. We want more consciousness of our depth feelings. We know that our tempers or jealousies or desires (not needs) block us. We resent ourselves.
We read self-help books or commit to a health regimen or get busy with various projects. We try to fight off the despair that can accompany a long term effort to ‘get our stuff together.’
Could an ‘AA’ discipline be a way to face up to things we would rather escape from? And build community at the same time? I’m almost certain it can. Are you open to the suggestion?
This is not an abstract argument. If you could attend any addiction meeting, you would recognize the pattern. Yesterday I met with a group of men addicted to drugs and alcohol who reside at Serenity Inns in Milwaukee. These 7 men have chosen to begin their recovery in a highly disciplined environment. The plan is that a one month ‘getting one’s self together’ period will be followed by another six months of communal residency with strict guidelines. Serenity Inn is a recovery center which means that if it works, not only will behavior change but a life is turned a new direction.
It is tough stuff. To confront an addiction at Serenity Inns means a total commitment to live in a community that invites you to face your demons.
It is the conversation method created, applied and adapted by Alcoholics Anonymous that is a key to recovery. Simple, yet profound, the discipline of this conversation is deeply human and accessible to any person, addicted in whatever way we all are addicted.
Who would not benefit by being part of a similar discipline? While deceptively straight forward, a conversation about addiction reaches levels of human consciousness that seem critical to every life.
Who cannot find time to have a regular conversation that follows this approach?
Step One-Identity
An addict introduces themselves by name, “My name is Rick,” adding a naming of their disease, “And I am an addict.” or for the rest of us < my presence is acknowledged by others. I am here. Who am I? Can I admit it publicly? What is my dis-ease?>
Step Two-Journey
Each person in invited to share their experience as it relates to their recovery. For instance, ‘what triggers your addiction?’ ‘How will you prevent a relapse?’
After sharing, the person will say, “With that I will pass.” or for the rest of us <Can I listen with care to what others say, then am I able and willing to tell my story to them?>
Step Three-Affirmation
The group responds, “Thank you, Rick.”<can I accept that others have listened, heard and relate it to their own experience?>
To appreciate the value of a recovering addict, one either has to be or have been an addict themselves or have a great appreciation for the fact that a non-addict will never quite get it. But we all can grow in our self-understanding, if we name our own demons and share them somewhat openly. (total honesty isn’t possible and some information or confession may not be useful)
This honesty by the non-addict is a pre-requisite for grasping the disease of addiction and discover specific steps to recover. We have far too many instances where someone is so victimized that time is needed to openly share feelings, thoughts, and fears. ie veterans returning from war , victims of domestic abuse or rape or children being gunned down in school?
And is it not also true in less overwhelming contexts? Negative behavior, anger toward a neighbor or drive through motorist; rebellion in the family or at work; jealousy or envy of a co-worker; resentments thatI carry long after it no longer matters. We also can use ways\ to work through the daily stresses and pressures
Isn’t there a simple answer? Some say, “just change!” Others think, “Take responsibility! Of course, decision-making is ongoing. It is a piece of the puzzle, but forces that exceed our reach are involved as well. Each of us has a different history that may influence our ability to immediately change. Once a behavior has reach the description of ‘disease’, we need another prescription.
One prescription may be to connect with the recovery process can be of great benefit to all of us. In a curious way the conversation among persons who are addicted have a leg up on others. They share something in common right at the get-go. “I am an addict.” It will take longer to establish some common ‘trust’ when it will take longer to grasp the commonality each brings to the conversation.
Try it on yourself first in the privacy of your own space. Take out a piece of paper and list those behaviors that you wish had gone differently? Write what you think about your view of yourself is behind those behaviors? What might you focus on to substitute those actions with something more helpful? Whom do you trust to begin mutual sharing?
The next entry will seek to address some of the connecting realities that flow from the AA approach.
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