**this is the second half of some thoughts about how persons recovering through the processes of Alcoholics Anonymous have been teaching me a life method, a practice that could be useful in innumerable settings. In the first piece, I focused on the structure of the reflection method itself and how it can be applied. Here I suggest that two things are necessary that open up new avenues for someone using this method: (1) Using or practicing the steps alone or in a small group; and (2) Being open to the ‘plus’ that makes the practice worthwhile. These thoughts come after a long conversation structured in the AA way with men at Serenity Inn, Milwaukee this March, 2013.
Part II-Practice, Practice, Practice
Today, I sat with a group of recovering men at Serenity Inns. Seven men were present along with two staff. Two residents were not present because of their employment--this program requires men to begin working as soon as possible after a one-month period to ‘clear their heads.’
One resident had been clean for 17 months, having completed the 7 month Serenity program nearly a year ago. He is currently taking advanced level classes at the local community college for certification as an addiction counselor. He volunteers to cover at the Inn when staff is required to be elsewhere.
Another has only been living at the Inn for 5 days. The other three have been residents for 45 days to a little over 4 months. 4 of the 7 are African-American, 3 are white. The age range is mid-20’s to mid-40’s. Several have had families including children now separated because of the addiction. However, their progress at Serenity has led to some re-unification with the children in some cases with the support of the former spouse.
They nightly practice the discipline described in part one as part of the ‘Dinner Fellowship.” One resident provides the question to be discussed by the residents. He offers a different question for the guests.
A recovering person spends considerable time thinking, writing and sharing his journey while in Serenity Inns recovery program.
Yet, as valuable as practicing this conversational discipline can be as a solitary exercise, or a way to talk with the family at dinner, it is just a form, a pattern, a guide. It is not a magic potion. It comes much harder than that. But it can be done.
What such practice can lead to is a ‘plus‘ in the life of one who practices. The ‘plus’ is that unexpected insight or revelation or understanding that may occur within us because of the practice. Things happen that cannot be predicted or forced.
That is the difference between a view of humans as ‘self-made’ and those who see ‘interdependence’ or mutuality as part of every human journey. An overemphasis on my own ability separates me from others. An overemphasis of needing other creates unhealthy dependence. The AA practice seeks to honor both the individual and the community.
The admonition of the great religions to ‘love neighbor as self’ and ‘to do unto others as you would have them do unto you’ make that view of humanity central to life.
The work of recovery is personal. Yet, it involves others. In reality getting one’s ‘self’ together also means recognizing the reality of mutual dependence. A whole bunch of people play off one another in real life. An addict can only speak and work on him or her self. However, it is only beneficial if the effect on others is recognized and responded to.
At Serenity Inn, for many the truth of mutual dependence becomes more clear at the ‘dinner fellowship’.
In reflecting specifically on the value of the evening meal and conversation, the men have voiced unanimity in their experience of ‘trust’ and ‘love’ and ‘selflessness.‘ This is part of their ‘plus.’
“I’m so moved,” one said, “By the fact that people who don’t know us come and feed us.” They mentioned the value of ‘hugs’ over ‘drugs.’ (everyone laughed). They mentioned the positive effect of being around persons without addictions. Said another, “I really enjoy it when people bring their kids. Maybe if I tell them to stay away from this stuff (the drugs) they’ll believe me and not go there.”
The gifts of this conversation are available to all.
This ‘plus’ some call ‘inner work.’ Our interior lives become different. We discover what we did not know before. We hear advice that incorporated into our being will change us even though it may not be obvious. “Nothing is changed, everything is transformed,” is how Paul of Tarsus put it. It’s not like a haircut or tattoo when something is changed, but nothing is transformed.
Tai Chi Ch’uan is an ancient martial art. I’ve taken instruction for about 18 months which means I’m in my infancy. My teacher spends more time with the ‘internal’ discoveries of the art. The ‘Relax’ mode or the ‘Chi’ moving through the body is not something one can command or that comes because one does the forms correctly.
Tai Chi Ch’uan like addiction guarantees nothing. But doing the ‘forms’ (having the regular conversations) opens the gate to the possibility for dramatic change.
What is the ‘heart of the matter?’ That change is possible? That our lives are complex? That our personal resources are limited? That risking our story in a sharing community may be beneficial?
The recovery method used by Alcoholics Anonymous works a good deal of the time. To identify a ‘community of intentional and regular practice’ may give all who share not just a change, but a transformation.
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