The 'Self' in Relationship

I usually have a bunch of thoughts after a Presidential debate. Not many this time around. I was stunned by President Obama's sleepwalk during the first one.  But none of the three shed much light on where we could go as a country with tremendous resources in a world in which so many people live such desperate lives. The debates unfortunately were pretty indicative of the sad state of our political discourse.  While defining our relationship with the world from the perspective of our 'self-interest' is understandable.  It sounds like our 'self-interest' is viewed from both an isolationist and interventionist point of view.  We distance ourselves and jump in only in terms of what we call our national security.

For example, last night neither participant engaged the state of the European Union and the economic implications.  They both wanted to make cases for the domestic economy, but except for Romney's fear that we are going to become Greece, little was said that would underscore the sense that we are all global citizens.  Some sense of responsibility for the world was eluded to but little 'with' the world in developing a global society.

I'm sure being a 'global citizen' does not track with a 'me first' relationship to life. The polls don't reflect well when we're not talking about our own personal issues.   But it serves none of us when those running for president cater to our basest (not basic) desires.  The assumption is that the "I" is where our self-understanding begins and ends.  A 'self' as a 'relationship' isn't on the radar. An understanding that all a human being is his or her relationships does not compute when we push such an isolated individualistic point of departure.

During the past month, much of my time has been spent in 'relationship' with my mother-in-law. (a clumsy phrase that does not communicate in any way my connection with Lorene who I have known now for 50 plus years).  I've been involved in her move from Kansas to Wisconsin and all the tiny details that make up such a move, from renting trailers to spending hours on-line or on the phone to update Social Security addresses, health care etc.

I have shocked myself with waking up and realizing how much I enjoy this relationship.   All that minutiae and 'stuff' that one has to do energized me, if not always perfect or fun.  I have to admit that it was mostly an important experience for me.  I am who I am as this 'relationship' which is Lorene played itself out.   That is my identity and how I play it out, ie. accept it and live it, is part and parcel of my life.  Multiply that by all my other relationships and one begins to get a sense of who Rick Deines is.

The future is made up of the way we relate to the relationships we are.  This is as true of a nation as it is of individuals.  How we talk about the connections we have with Mexico or China or Greece defines us.  The bluster that passes for American exceptionalism is not useful.  To say that we have always treated other nations in a respectful way is not apologizing for who we are.  It is simply recognizing that  for effective diplomacy to happen, a 'relational' understanding of who we are is the truth.  The triumphalism of being American (the U.S. brand) is not strength in relationship.

I try not to be naive about terrorists and the kind of violence that I cannot imagine.  I can't overlook that divide across the world between the haves and have nots.  I do think that the United States can play an important and perhaps unique role in dealing with the challenges facing the world.  I think we best do this, however, from a posture that communicates care and concern and goes the second mile.  We can afford that.  We are the 'richest' country in the world. We are also the world.  We are interdependent.  Love of neighbor is not limited to those we like. All that goes on in every corner of the world is in a relational sense who we are.  That may be 'the heart of the matter.'